my two options are to either just end it or jump off a bridge.
I just feel depressed again and I don’t know what to do.
One of my friends adopted a cat and says it’s mine, but it can live at her place until I move off-campus next year. It’s a really nice gesture and I appreciate it since she’s feeding it and cleaning up after it, but I honestly don’t want it. I like cats a lot and I’ve always wanted one, but I just don’t want that one. Both she and my boyfriend think that just because I named her and I like to hold her, that it means I’m gonna learn to love her. Well I’m not. It’s sickly and probably going to die soon, so I’m not going to, there’s no point. Plus it’s a cat and I want a pet that’s different…like Romeo :/ I just hate it when people think that I’ll move on and forget about it. Well, I won’t. That’s not how I work, I don’t let go of anything.
A ferret’s body starts decomposing 2-4 hours after death, so it is way too late to do an autopsy
Now I’m gonna be wondering forever and ever about what killed him
Everything in them is fast…their metabolism, the way they die, how fast they decompose
Ferrets are stupid animals, I never want one again
When I love animals and people, but both will end up leaving me?
I’m starting to think that there isn’t….
I wanna know what happened, and I wanna see him one last time alive…but neither are going to happen….
Whenever people say that Mondays suck, I usually roll my eyes and think they’re just over exaggerating. But seriously, today was such a terrible day. It was so bad that I even cried during class for like 10 mins, and I didnt care who saw me.
Obviously the main thing thats making me miserable is that I haven’t exactly fully accepted that Romeo is dead. Its like I’m in denial and part of me believes that when I go home to Valrico again in two weeks, hes going to be in his cage waiting for me. When I was showing one of my friends some videos of him, I didnt use past tense like “He used to run around like this.” I kept using present tense like hes still alive. It is just so hard for me to swallow the fact that I am never going to see him, ever again. I am never going to hold him again, and he is never going to give me ferret kisses again.
I am honestly really grateful for both my mom and dad. I am grateful that my mom did take him to the vet when she first saw his initial symptoms. I am grateful for my dad who helped my mom give Romeo medicine, going to the ER with him and my mom, and I am both surprised and happy that he told the ER vets that he would pay up to $15,000 in cash for them to somehow cure him…even though he doesnt like animals, he wanted to somehow make Romeo survive. That means so much to me, considering he doesnt love Romeo like me and my mom do. It really does mean a lot to me.
The hardest part about his death is that no one knows what killed him. Fuck, I cant stop thinking about all the questions I have. I just wish I knew what killed him, when it started, and if anything could have been done differently. I will never know what he died of, or what exactly happened to him. My parents and my neighbor had the idea of taking him to that one lab in South Korea where they clone people’s pets, but not only is it extremely expensive (its about $50,000), my parents dont want to clone him if the disease is genetic and hes going to die of the same thing again…which makes sense.
Today was also miserable because since I was miserable about Romeo’s death and didnt study, I fucked up my two exams today. I got an 80 on fundamentals and 81 on health assessment, so I got two C’s. That bumped my overall class grades from a 93 to 88 and a 90 to an 85. I had an A in fundamentals but now its a B, and now my B in health assessment can become a C if I’m not careful. I am so done with this semester, I just want it to be over with……
And another reason why I was miserable today is I’ve been having problems with my boyfriend lately. But I will write about that on here another time when I put more thought into it….